Childhood Itinerary

10AM: It’s Spring 1986. I’m wearing one of my favorite pairs of overalls today. They are light blue denim and go perfect with my red heart shirt, Reeboks, and the baseball cap that I won at the county fair.

11AM: I’m collecting plastic charm necklaces. I have a ton of them. The newest one I acquired is a whistle and it really works. I plan to use it as a secret weapon, if I’m kidnapped.

11:30PM: Thinking about watching “The Ewok Adventure” tonight. We have it on VHS. I really want a pair of moon boots like Cindel has. Also, I’d like to befriend Wicket.

12PM: Why doesn’t Angel and Crystal play fetch like other dogs? Instead they like to chase cars and follow my little brother and I onto the school bus.

1PM: We have a pool, but we don’t have a pool slide. I’m going to try and take the swing set apart. That way I can move the slide from the back yard to the front yard and tie it to the tree so that we can have a pool slide.

1:15PM: This is going to take longer than I thought. I already cut myself on the metal edge on the slide. Construction work is not my strong suit.

2PM: I went on a bike ride on my purple Huffy Sweet Thunder. I went farther than I’ve ever gone before and definitely saw some kidnappers. They were in a white van and slowed down. Luckily, Sweet Thunder goes fast.

3PM: There is a huge toad in the backyard. He’s massive. If Jabba the Hutt was a toad then this would be him for sure. He seems pretty happy just sitting in the dirt in the garden around some E.T. ferns.

4PM: I’m thinking about “The Ewok Adventure” again. I need to train to be a warrior. I wonder if I can jump over the six-foot wooden fence in the backyard?

4:30PM: I got a splinter, but got it out. Wicket would be proud. I am determined to jump over this fence. I need to prove to myself that I can do it in case a monster comes after me.

5PM: I ran as fast as I could and made it to the top of the fence. Unfortunately, while trying to jump down the other side my overalls caught on the wood fence posts. I now dangle from the fence like a sack of potatoes.

5:30PM: No improvements. I am too far from the ground for my feet to reach. My suspenders are looped around the top and pulled taut against the fence posts.

5:45PM: I have a really bad wedgie. I try to rip the overalls off but they are too strong. What would Punky Brewster do? There was never an episode that dealt with this sort of situation.

5:50PM: I will be the only kid in the world to die by hanging from their overalls. The only thing I have on me is a My Little Pony pocket book and pencil. It’s not looking good for me.

6PM: Nobody can hear me yell for help. I think my brothers are the only ones who are home and they must be near the front of the house. I am all the way in the back. The embarrassment of my soon-to-be death sinks in.

6:05PM: Oh no, the Gorax is getting closer.

6:10PM: Wait! I have my plastic whistle charm around my neck. I blow into the whistle as loud as I can and wait.

6:15PM: My little brother discovers me dangling in the air. He smirks, but is more confused at how I hung myself up by my pantaloons. I beg him to help me. Crap, He ran away. I’m worried he has turned on me or that the Gorax got him.

6:20PM: He returns with a bucket and some wood pieces and builds a step that I can stand on. He climbs up to unhook my overalls.

6:25PM: I have been saved! I thank my little brother for his heroic duty and ask him if he wants to watch “The Ewok Adventure”. He declines.

6:30PM: We go inside, eat chicken pot pies, and watch “The Goonies”.